Rescue Me.

In the last 4.5 years of being a single Mom, I have found great pride in being independent. Life events have left me with some bitterness when it comes to relying on others, so I prefer to do things myself.

But that doesn't always work. Today's sermon was, in short, for me. It's Easter Sunday. Every Baptist church heard words of the the Resurrection. Pastor Bob finished up a series that I've missed a few lessons on, titled "Rescue Me". It served it's purpose on spreading God's word, but it pierced my heart for other reasons.  

He started the sermon talking about people who have begged and pleased with God for something that didn't end the way they felt it should have, ending in anger. 

Y'all. That describes the last 3 months of 2012, all of 2013 and most of 2014. Just, angry. Why? I begged and pleaded with God to save my marriage. I bargained. I cried, so many tears. I lashed out at friends who mentioned "Gods plan". 

Fast forward a little. I was able to be an ear for an acquaintance who was going through a similar situation. In that moment, it hit me so hard. God DOES have a reason for the stormy season. How many more people would I have been able to help if I had stepped back from my emotions 2 years sooner?  

A bullet point in today's sermon was "God still loves you even when life is painful". We are HIS. His children. 

His love never fails, no matter what the day brings. 

He desires us. 

He protects us. 

He knows what is best. Always.

 Let Him rescue you where you are. 

Patriotism

This weekend has been an incredible lesson for my oldest girl. With the inauguration and protests, I thought it would be a good weekend to have a chat with KB.

First, I'll say this. I love every one of my friends, no matter what your political stance is. I expect the same in return. This post isn't about what I think, but what I think EVERY home should be talking about. 

 

We live in the greatest nation in the world. So why aren't we acting like it? Why aren't we teaching our children the love of country? I see and hear people talk about how ashamed they are to live here....then why are you here?  I don't care WHO POTUS is, we need to be teaching our children WHO WE ARE, and that includes teaching them where we've been. 

They aren't going to learn it in today's school system. Sure, they'll give them the basics, but it is OUR job as parents to teach them about the meaning of it all. Teach them to importance of voting and to KNOW how the electoral college works (and the importance of it). Tell them about the men and women who give SO much to protect our freedoms and rights. 

Rights. That brings up the next point. KB and I watched some videos of the protests that happened yesterday (pre censored, because some of the content yesterday was just as ugly as some prior comments from Trump). I personally do not share the agenda that most of the participants do, BUT I think is is so important that my girls know their rights. You have the right to free speech, due process, to bear arms, to a jury, etc . So many Americans don't have a clue what their rights are and don't care to know. 

KNOW THEM. Teach them to your children. 

Teach your kids to stand up for what they believe in. But then teach them that it's ok to disagree; that just because someone says something "offensive", it doesn't mean you have to cry about it. 

It comes down to this. 

 

Patriotism is defined as "love for or devotion to one's country". 

Love your country. Be a patriot, no matter what your political stance is. A nation divided will fall, and we HAVE to teach our children this to keep the freedoms that so many before us have fought and died for. 

I refuse to raise sheep. My girls will have respect and love for their country, and patriotism will reign in my house, no mattder who is president.

Left Wing or Right Wing, we're all connected to the same bird. 

Today is God's Plan

I saw this today while scrolling through Pinterest. Oh, how fitting. I pray at least 80% of these on a daily basis. 

It has taken me 4 years and 4 months to realize something. Are you ready? Because it's earth shaking. 

THIS is God's plan. Today. Right now. The battle of "not enough time". The extra chapter of Junie B Jones before bed. The 7372927391 rounds of Guess Who that we played this weekend. The mad search for that lost ballet shoe (week after week). The 2 boxes of bandaids that we went through last week. The sick days. The eye Dr worries. The money worries. The zoo trips. The movie nights. The feeling of never be enough to make up for the emotional damage that my kids are subject to. 

This is it. So, so many times we (I!) get caught up in saying "I'm so excited to see what God has planned for us". Why? Why am I excited for the future and not the NOW? 

THIS is God's plan. Today. Tomorrow. The day after. Next week. We are living God's plan, and if we are so focused on "what He has planned for our future", then we aren't fulfilling His plan now. We are missing out, not only for ourselves, but for the others who need to see us where we are now.

Make it a goal. Write it down. TODAY is God's plan, so I'm going to strive to fulfill that plan as best that I can. 

Worry Wart

If you've been friends with me longer than about 3 days, you know I'm a worrier. BIG worrier. 

For me, it comes back to my need for control (that's a whole other post). I worry. And when I worry, I plan. I think this escalated around the separation/divorce time, but it's always been an issue and hasn't gotten better with time.  

My mind tells me that if I have a plan for EVERY POSSIBLE OUTCOME to a situation, then I can be in control of it. I can control my emotions, my reactions, and my responses. Makes sense, right? 

No. Because there is ALWAYS more than a couple of outcomes. So I send myself into this....never-ending vortex of possibilities; and then those possibilities have a million ways they could go. It's just not an ok thing for me to let happen. It's why my Dr. treats me for anxiety. 

So then....this happens. I bought this book a few weeks ago. I had it in my Amazon cart forever, and finally clicked buy. 

Pressing-Pause-Quiet-Moments-Jesus

Fast forward a few weeks, and I (ironically) find the time to sit down and read the first lesson. 

Well dag-gum. hah! It's titled "Turning Worry into Worship". 

Oh, Hi God. Are You talking to me? 

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come"

I'm not sure I fully understood the last half of this verse until tonight. Sure, everyone sees the first half. As women of the church, we strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. We aim for strength and dignity. But the last half of that y'all. She laughs. NOT because she's careless, but she's confident that God has her. As the devotional states:

"God knows our future as well as He knows us"

The lesson instructs the reader to list their 3 great worries, and pen a prayer to God. This blog is about transparency, always. So here's my three current, greatest worries. 

1. I worry that my girls will grow up "damaged" from their unconventional childhood. 

2. I worry that I will be unable to financially support my children into adulthood. 

3. I worry that I will never be "enough". 

What are yours? Can you give them to God? Let's make one of our "New Year's resolutions" an effort to worry a little less and trust God a lot more. 

Housewife Failure

Let's talk about housework for a moment.

 (Obviously, I failed at both parts of this blog title hah!) Y'all. It's bad. So bad. I want SO BADLY to be that person who can just rock the housekeeping thing. 

I am like my Momma in so many ways, except I missed the housekeeping gene. 

In true form of 2016, and social media, many people have seen photos of my house. Here's a few of my favorites:

Cute, right? I'm pretty proud of it. I'm taking the phrase "Love grows best in small houses" and running with it, because we will be in the house for the foreseeable future. (and I'm finally OK with that, but that's for another post)

Now. These photos are so nice and clean, right? Because WHO would dare put up photos with junk and clutter in them. Right? 

Let's get real for a minute. 

This is the current status of my front door wall: 

That necklace? Has been there for months. The mail? lolololol I don't even KNOW what's in there. I just keep adding to it. 

I'm not even brave enough to snap a picture of my bedroom, but most days, it could be straight out of a hoarders episode. I'm consistently about 4 loads of laundry behind, and there is literally glitter EVERYWHERE. 

The point is: Is the well being and happiness of my kids any less because there is 2 months worth of junk mail sitting by the door? Is their life any "less" than their friends because I just pulled their clean clothes for the day out of basket instead of folding them? Nope.

I'm tired. Work, school, maintaining friendships, dance rehearsal, soccer practices, and just life in general is exhausting. I'd much rather snuggle up with my girls for movie night than worry about sweeping the floors tonight, and for the first time ever, I realize: It's OK. 

I KNOW for a fact that I'm not alone in this. Single parent or not, let's worry more about the time we spend with our kids and friends instead of making it perfect. 

Our babies aren't going to remember the perfectly swept floors or the sparkling baseboards. They're going to remember the time we spent with them and the memories we made. 

and yes. I posted this right before the Christmas hoop-la for a reason. ;) Let it go. Enjoy the days that are coming and the time spent with friends and family. Merry Christmas, friends! <3

The Beginning

Hello!

So many times, I have thought "This needs to be written down". But life happens, and it never gets done. 

Today is changing that. This is the beginning of something that will hopefully grow. 

I had a conversation today with a mentor/friend. We got on the subject of the past (fun, right?). I told him that when I was going through my separation/divorce, I HATED when people told me "God has a plan". Yes. I KNEW He had a plan, but at that point in time, it is NOT what I wanted to hear. Not even close. 

This friend went through a life event that led people to say the same. It's not a line that we necessarily want to hear when we are going through a tragedy. But, it doesn't make it any less true....right? God DID have a plan for me. He has a plan for them. He has one for you. He DOES. 

I was also told something today, that has never been said to me. "You did all that alone. You went through it alone". Now, I had some wonderful friends and family that all but dragged me through the last 3 months of 2012 and MOST of 2013, but I didn't have that community; the fellowship, that a church family offers. I let myself be pulled away from church. This morning, I blamed my ex-husband. But after looking back, there isn't anyone to blame but myself. It took me a long time to get back to where I need to be, but here we are. There is a song by Cory Morrow with lyrics that sum it up perfectly.

"I am my Father's son, the prodigal one, and He's reckless with His grace". 

SO. Here we go. God has laid this on my heart, and I'm not sure where it will go. But if ONE person can be encouraged or inspired, or even if just one person feels a little less alone, then I've accomplished something. 

This is the beginning. My attempt at finding the line between Hustle and Grace. The saga of my crazy, chaotic, roller-coaster of a life as a single Mom with two sweet girls; filled with sarcasm, bad grammar, and some unfortunately corny humor.